Edinburgh Festival - Some Great Jokes

From yesterday's Independent, edited highlights from "50 best jokes" from this year's festival:

1. Christmases were terrible, not like nowadays when kids get everything. My sister got a miniature set of perfumes called Ample. It was tiny, but even I could see where my dad had scraped off the S ... - Stephen K Amos

2. My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of our family holidays in customs. - Patrick Monahan

3. I've not seen such a guilty face since I finished my jigsaw of O J Simpson. - We are Klang (if.comeddies newcomer nominee)

4. Nobody thought Mel Gibson could play a Scot but look at him now! Alcoholic and a racist! - Frankie Boyle

5. I went to the JobCentre for an interview. I said: "I ain't got no qualifications, no skills and as for my customer service, sod off." She said: "You're exactly what they're after at Dixons". - Simon Brodkin

6. Edinburgh is the only city that I have walked completely around and only gone uphill. - Sean Collins

7. I've got no problem buying tampons. I'm a modern man. But apparently, they're not a "proper present". - Jimmy Carr

8. I was surprised how British Muslims reacted to the Danish cartoons. I thought: "How can you get this worked up about a cartoon?" But then I remembered how angry I was when they gave Scooby Doo a cousin. - Paul Sinha (if.comeddies nominee)

9. Two guys came knocking at my door once and said: "We want to talk to you about Jesus." I said: "Oh, no, what's he done now?" - Kevin McAleer

10. In the Bible, God made it rain for 40 days and 40 nights. That's a pretty good summer for us in Wales. That's a hosepipe ban waiting to happen. I was eight before I realised you could take a kagoule off. - Rhod Gilbert